#10 If you're not on your side, why should anyone else be?
Ten recs for a kickass & meaningful 2023
Good morning!
I hope warm-up month, I mean, January has treated you well! The highlight of my month was that I became a dog mom! Taking care of this lil but super active goldie boi has pretty much upended the plans/priorities I originally set for this year (lol) but that’s okay! He has been such a source of joy and warmth and cuteness. I love him!
Today I’m sharing ten recommendations. I might do this format once a month—a list of recs that may or may not be thematic. This one will be, and because we’re still hanging on to that last shred of New Year high (let’s just pretend it’s still there), our theme is… inspiration!
Ya, I know. So original, right?
I know the theme is also quite sweeping and open to interpretation. So many things can inspire us in various ways and contexts. So what I’m doing for this newsletter is sharing my brand of inspiration—or at least, the kind that resonates most strongly with me right now. I think this sums it up nicely: Unapologetically pursue what you want while never losing sight of what’s important.
This is a mix of videos and text, most of which I’ve revisited more than once. They never fail to nourish. Hope you enjoy them, too!
“You couldn’t compare it to anything else. And that is such a special quality.”
Wow. I have zero, zero, zero notes for that. And I’ll tell you why: because you’re doing your own thing. It’s singular. It’s like when the Wu-Tang clan came out, like, no one could really judge it. Either you liked it or you didn’t. But you couldn’t compare it to anything else. And that is such a special quality. And all of us possess that ability—but you have to be willing to seek. And you have to be willing to be real frank in your music. And frank in your choices.
…I’ve never heard anyone like you before. And I’ve never heard anything that sounds like that. That’s a drug for me.
“As I grew older, I started to wonder if that was it. If that was just luck.”
When I started my career as a child actor in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, I felt so very lucky to have been chosen. As I grew older, I started to wonder if that was it. If that was just luck. For so many years, I was afraid I had nothing more to offer, that no matter what I did, I would never surpass what I did as a kid. Thankfully, more than thirty years later, two guys thought of me. They remembered that kid. And they gave me the opportunity to try again.
“They are the relationships in which you hang on for dear life even as your shoulder cracks in protest.”
The stories you are about to live are the ones you will be telling your children and grandchildren and therapists. They are the temp gigs and internships before you find your passion. They are the cities you live in before the opportunity of a lifetime pops up halfway across the world. They are the relationships in which you hang on for dear life even as your shoulder cracks in protest. They are the times you say no to the good opportunities so you can say yes to the best opportunities. They are what Verdi survived to bring us La Traviata. They are the stories in which you figure out who you are. There will be moments you remember and whole years you forget. There will be times when you are Roy and times when you are Jim and Pam. There will be blind alleys and one-night wonders and soul-crushing jobs and wake-up calls and crises of confidence and moments of transcendence when you are walking down the street and someone will thank you for telling your story because it resonated with their own.
“I don’t know what the right way to see these things is.”
Nothing gets done if there is no room for joy. I know that. Nothing gets done if we only see the harm. And nothing gets done if we don’t see the harm. I don’t know which thing to see more. I don’t know if I’m seeing the right amount of joy, or the right amount of harm, or the right amount of grief, or the right amount of aid. But I know I have to see both.
And there is a way of doing this where I see one and then the other: the horror, then the beauty, then the grief, then the joy. But that way of doing it doesn’t seem to be helping me get anything done. Maybe there’s a way to look at the world and see both at the same time.
“Play the fool.”
So if you want to help your community, if you want to help your family, if you want to help your friends, you have to express yourself. And to express yourself, you have to know yourself. It’s actually super easy. You just have to follow your love. There is no path. There’s no path until you walk it. And you have to be willing to play the fool.
“If you’re not on your side, why should anyone else be?”
My favorite RDJ quote:
Also, I highly recommend Sr., the Netflix documentary produced by RDJ that chronicles his father’s life, filmmaking career, and their relationship. (It has a 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes!)
“We often frame success… around that which we don’t have.”
From: The Elusive Definition of Success (And Why It Makes Us Feel Bad)
Success is one of those interesting modern paradoxes in that everyone seems to want it, regardless of their definition of it, but few feel they’ve achieved it personally. Perhaps this is because we often frame success… around that which we don’t have. A pursuit without an end. A goal which moves as soon as we reach it. Or simply “being ‘better than you are now,’ in one way or another,” as Ashley, 27, put it.
But how “better” is defined wildly varies and, I suspect, can have a big impact on one’s general wellbeing. “I think your definition of success will almost always be contingent on what you value,” said Gabrielle, 23.
“Lukewarm is no good.”
“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.”—Roald Dahl
“I was going to have to work harder to save my own soul.”
“About once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light. These people can be from any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.
When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: It occurs to me that I’ve achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that. I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.
A few years ago I realized that I wanted to be a bit more like those people. I realized that if I wanted to do that I was going to have to work harder to save my own soul. I was going to have to have the sort of moral adventures that produce that kind of goodness. I was going to have to be better at balancing my life.
It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?
“Must is what happens when we stop conforming to other people’s ideals and start connecting to our own.”
From: The Crossroads of Should & Must (Watch the talk version here.)
Should is how others want us to show up in the world — how we’re supposed to think, what we ought to say, what we should or shouldn’t do. It’s the vast array of expectations that others layer upon us. When we choose Should the journey is smooth, the risk is small.
Must is different—there aren’t options and we don’t have a choice.
Must is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are alone with our truest, most authentic self. It’s our instincts, our cravings and longings, the things and places and ideas we burn for, the intuition that swells up from somewhere deep inside of us. Must is what happens when we stop conforming to other people’s ideals and start connecting to our own. Because when we choose Must, we are no longer looking for inspiration out there. Instead, we are listening to our calling from within, from some luminous, mysterious place.
Weaving our Must into our existing reality is about co-designing small opportunities with our teams. It’s about setting aside quiet time to be alone with our thoughts, and then actually following through. It’s about doing one small thing, anything, to honor our personal truth — today.
Care to share your brand or favorite source of inspiration? A video? Quote? Poem? Book? A story from a colleague that’s never left you? The more obscure, the better! You can comment or email me back :)
And if you liked this, help your girl out & like this post! Or share it if you think the list might resonate with someone else. ♡
Oh, and feel free to send your own dog pics!!