#13 What it is to Love
Ten recs to celebrate love in all its forms and phases
Good morning!
The universe has so kindly gifted me with the flu on my birthday week. Lol. (But at least it’s not Covid!) Hope your February is moving along more fortunately!
Just the monthly recs round-up for this newsletter. Enjoy!
#1 What Love Is
“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love—whether we call it friendship or family or romance—is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.”—Maria Popova
#2 Dear Dad, We’ve Been Gay for a Really Long Time
“Did you know [that he was gay?]” my father asked.
“Everyone pretty much knows it.”
“I sure didn’t,” my father said. “Had no idea.”
By the following Wednesday, when Abe visited, my father had more questions.
“How does this happen?”
Abe said, “Seems some people are just born that way.”
“Are a lot of them born that way?”
“About one in 10, they estimate.”
“Well, if it’s how people are born, it sure doesn’t seem like something that should tear families apart.”
Read the full Modern Love essay here.
#3 No Need to Speak
When Jamie goes away on a business trip, he doesn’t write a love note to place on my pillow. He leaves a tea bag with my morning mug on the kitchen counter. And fresh water in the kettle. As Jamie rides his early-morning train from Boston to New York, I hope he can picture me in our kitchen, wearing a T-shirt and flannel pajamas, making the tea he set out. We’ve been married over 30 years — enough time to know that love is less about the words and so much more about the deeds. Indeed. — Maribeth Stratford Millar
From Modern Love’s Tiny Love Stories
#4 When It Takes 12 Years
I just watched When Harry Met Sally, and I really liked it! Not a lot of rom-coms are able to portray the arc and complexities of feelings, and I appreciate how up until the end, the characters still showed that. Here’s the final scene—if you don’t mind being spoiled!
#5 When Your Plan To Be “2gether 4ever” Actually Works
I could have lied, but Kevin had developed this annoying habit of reading my thoughts. Finally, I worked up the courage to tell him the truth: I’d had a crush on him for a few years, but was totally over it. Totally.
From the Modern Love essay, Life Plan for Two, Followed by One. Listen to the podcast:
#6 How to Attract Beautiful People
As she made her way up the steps from the train station, a rare sense of pride washed over me when watching her walk towards me.
She smiled.
My eyes lit up.
We did the double-kiss cheek thing again without tripping over each other.
“You’re beautiful,” I said as my arm moved down her back after our embrace. “I’d wanted to ask you out since our first conversation. But since this is one of my first jobs I was worried I’d be fired for hitting on a client.”
She laughed.
I relaxed.
She looked up at me — still smiling — I thought for sure the look in her eyes meant that she was just as happy to see me as I was to see her.
But just as my hopes began to touch the clouds, they were smacked down onto the pavement when she said the words that shatter more men’s dreams than any other — “But we’re just friends, right?”
Read the full essay here or listen to the author Michael Thompson narrate it here.
#7 The Sweetness of the Long Haul
A heartwarming Twitter thread with some of my fave responses below:
#8 Lesser-Known ‘Ships
Maybe-ship: That “This is almost right, but not quite” connection. Founded on yearning and, often, loneliness.
#9 The Importance of Being Single
Despite what an un-friendly voice inside our heads might tell us, we are the ones who can choose whether or not to be alone. Our solitude is willed rather than imposed. No one ever needs to be alone so long as they don’t mind who they are with. But we do mind: the wrong kind of company is a great deal lonelier for us than being by ourselves. It’s further from what matters to us, more grating in its insincerity and more of a reminder of disconnection and misunderstanding than is the conversation we can have in the quiet of our own minds.
There is no better guarantee of a successful relationship than knowing that we could—and can—manage perfectly well on our own.
#10 One More Time
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”—Maya Angelou
BONUS: The Only Modern Love Podcast I’ve Cried Over
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